Ella checking her data
I’m calling it the good day/bad day principle.
I have noticed that whenever the children have a good day (reasonably calm behaviour, agreeable attitudes and steady temperaments) it is invariably followed by a very bad day (hot un-controllable tempers, fighting, arguing and difficult behaviours).
I don’t know why this is but I have a few theories.
Firstly, I have wondered whether the kids use up so much energy trying to fit in and do as they’re told on a good day, that the overflow of this mental exhaustion trickles into the next day therefore causing it to be a write off?
And secondly, I wonder if the amount of trouble that they seem to get into on bad days leads them to try harder the next day and the vicious circle keeps repeating!!
I’m not saying that my kids are any worse than any other children out there but I can usually tell within the first ten minutes of any given day what I can expect for the next 12 or so hours!
My kids really are great most of the time and I can honestly say that even on their worst days – they are mostly manageable. But I’m still baffled as to why????
It’s not always as clean cut as 1 good day / 1 bad day…..there can sometimes be a few good days followed by one bad day or several bad days with a surprise good day thrown in (which is always nice!) but there is usually some sort of predictable pattern.
I am thankful that my children do present very differently to each other on bad days though.
Harley is (and always has been) by far the most vocal and draining child. He screams, hits, pinches, bites, sulks and cries. Lucas whines and whinges but at the moment, it’s Ella who is concerning me the most.
Ella withdraws.
It sounds great right?
Well…yes, she’s definitely quieter and less demanding but there is a real danger of her shutting down so much that she becomes unreachable.
Yesterday, she spent over an hour walking around in a big circle in Mum’s courtyard counting her steps with a pedometer and measuring the calories that she has burned.
Sounds hilarious I know….I laughed too at first, but now we are into day 2 and she’s at it again.
Her and Harley had a sibling fight in a coffee shop over the most ridiculous and insignificant thing this morning, a lemonade bottle!
They both reached for the same one (even though there were 3 of them and they were all identical) I told her to let go of this bottle because Harley was starting to lose it and it wasn’t worth setting him off into a full-blown meltdown.
I reminded her that because she’s 11, that taking the higher road would be wisest as it was the path of least resistance and that she wasn’t going to miss out anyway.
Well….cue the pre-teen silent meltdown! I got the dagger eyes, the pouty mouth and the sneer and she promptly picked herself up and walked over to another table and turned her back to us.
All of this was done silently.
I have tried several times in the last couple of hours since, to talk it through with her unsuccessfully. She has completely shut down and pacing is all that she seems to be able to focus on at the moment.
She is counting, adding and analyzing every step. She stops momentarily to inform me of how far she has walked then goes immediately back to the pacing.
Around and around and around in circles.
Over and over and over again.
It still amazes me that friends tell me that they can’t see any aspie in her.
Oh well, at least tomorrow is set to be a good day based on the pattern that has emerged this holiday.
Comments on: "Good day Bad day." (13)
I don’t know what to say (again). At least if you know what’s coming you are better prepared for it. It’s not much, but it’s something.
Hi Tilly
Don’t worry out not knowing what to say! What you wrote is perfect! Yes! I am better prepared now
Tell me this is true, because yesterday was just terrible, and this mama needs a break!
Oh
I hope today is a better one for you x
Withdrawal is my melt down of choice most of the time too. The circling and pacing sounds like a soothe. The truth is, if she’s mostly acting “normally” to you when she stops to inform you of her progress, I’d say she’s probably over the lemonade thing by now.
I know they love it at your mom’s, but it is a change in routine etc..and she is an 11 year old girl. LOTS of internal changes starting there, no? Let her know you’re there, as always, and maybe try again before bed? Sometimes we just gotta process.
That’s my two cents. Love you, Fi! Keep up the great work!
Thanks Laura
You were spot on! She was processing stuff and she’s back to talking to me again this morning!! Yay!!!
Since the kids were feral cats yesterday I expceted them to be good today. Not so. I’m hoping this is a 2 day cycle!!!
Laura has some very good points–all the changes may be catching up to her…arn’t holiday’s supposed to be fun?
Hang in there-xxoo
Oh no! I hope it’s a 2 day cycle too!!!
We’ve definitely noticed a cycle with our son too. His seems to be a longer cycle and it’s not until we get to the rough days that we realize just how good it’s been for a while.
Good for you for noticing the basic pattern. That will help you be more prepared for next time. You’re doing a great job Fiona!
Thanks Nancy
I hope your son has a really long string of good days too x
Hello Lovely,
You are the perfect Mum for all your kids Fi. You’re doing a wonderful job and *Ella, *Harley and *Lucas are so very blessed. Keep doing what you are doing because I KNOW you are awesome, and your little blessing will do fine because of the love, acceptance and devotion you put into every day of your Mothering.
Love you and everything about you.
Lees. xxxx
Thanks Lees.
I’m doing my best!
This definitely sounds familiar. The good days actually get me a little stressed, because I know something unpleasant must be on the horizon, and I’d just as soon be in the middle of it and looking forward to something nicer. We also sometimes get a shift within the day. If it goes wrong enough early on that I blow up, sometimes that reboots the whole system and everybody is extra pleasant for the rest of the day just to avoid setting me off. It’s not a healthy pattern.
I feel bad for Ella. To be a girl and the oldest and to have to look like you’re keeping it together while those around you have a certain leeway to lose it because they can’t help it and you can. It would be easy to ignore her difficulties because she’s not the squeaky wheel, and I give you a lot of credit for seeing what’s going on even when others don’t. When she is ready to listen, keep letting her know you see how hard she’s working – it will mean a lot, whether she tells you right then or not.